Attempting Forward Movement

It’s been a long time since I’ve practiced the discipline of fasting but since our family has really felt like maybe God is trying to speak to us in a special way and prompting us to something different and greater we have been praying pretty fervently about God’s will.  Cory Booker told a story last week about how when he was unsure of what to do a little lady in his housing project told him to “do sumpin.”  He began fasting and praying about it and watched God move in a huge way.  I was reminded that fasting should be a regular part of my life and Annie and I decided that we should fast together and went the last four days without any solid food (no, Annie has not disappeared). 

It was hard!

I mean, just going without food for several days is hard enough because…um…you get hungry.  But having children that needed to eat during the last four days made things even more difficult.  Don’t you have to try the eggs to make sure they’re seasoned properly for breakfast (I caught myself and spit them out) and what about when you microwave some leftovers and stick a bite in your mouth to see if it’s hot (those were spit in the trash as well) and what about the fact that every time you open the refrigerator or the cupboard there’s food staring you in the face.  Or what about when you have meetings with people that are next to restaurants and the food just smells amazing. Or what about when you have to run to the grocery store for juice…there’s food everywhere!

I was reading through the Jesus Bible Story Book with Tait and on Tuesday the story of Jesus’ 40 day fast was what we read.  Then, later that night, Annie and my Scripture reading was the same passage.  Now, I know that Jesus’ fast was exactly 10 times as long as mine so I’m not going to make the comparison of not eating for 4 days to not eating for 40 days but in a lot of ways I think that my fast in America was tougher than Jesus’ fast in the desert.  It’s hard to do something like that in America because everywhere we go, everything we do, we have so much.  We’re blessed with so much food etc., that its proximity makes something like fasting much more difficult than it would be to fast in a place like the desert where there is no aroma of food, a cupboard or a Dairy Queen. When we take a step back from food we’re taking a step away from a large portion of our lives.

I think it’s why we as American’s don’t practice this rhythm that is so clearly important in Scripture.  I think my prayers this week had an edge and a consistency to them that I haven’t had in some time.  When I was hungry, I was reminded of what it is I am praying about and I prayed.  When I was hungry, I was dependent upon God to sustain me and I knew it.  When I was hungry, I thought about the children around the world (especially in Haiti) that feel this sensation every day and I prayed for them.  I was hungry for the last four days straight.

I had some chips and salsa this evening to break my fast and even though it is one of my favorites, it tasted so much better tonight than I ever remember it tasting before and I thought to thank God for the wonderful blessing of taste.  I haven’t worked out exactly how I am going to work fasting into my life’s rhythm but I have decided that it must be a weekly discipline.  I want to pray like that more.  I want to tangibly feel a closeness to and dependence on God. I want to do tough things that matter.  I guess this is where I’m starting.

Seriously blown away again this morning as I sit and dwell on what was done for me by our amazing God. And as I read over and over again the first chapter of Ephesians, I have thanked God and worshiped Him for choosing me to be a son. And then, after all that I am not, He then gives me an inheritance? Wow! Anyway, just so glad that there’s absolutely nothing that I could ever do to gain or lose the righteousness that I have in Christ. I know I don’t deserve it and could never earn it, but I also know that it’s mine.

I love to listen to great communicators take Scripture and make it so tangible, practical and applicable.  I’ve been listening to a series by Greg Boyd called “Undivided” and have been really impacted by it so I called and requested a booklet that they wrote to go along with the series and it’s full of spiritual exercises to help drive the truth a bit deeper. 

Honestly, I haven’t gotten past the first exercise.  The Scriptures speak of tending our hearts because that’s where our life flows from. Greg says that he gets up every morning and just stays in bed, quiet, asking the Spirit of God to search his heart and show him where he’s got hang ups and where he needs to be more intentional about tending to his heart.  He talks about how he has to do it before he gets out of bed because after that it’s really hard to quiet thoughts to hear God speak.  So I’ve been trying to do the same over the last couple of weeks.  The issues that God has been revealing in my heart over the last ten days or so have just been amazing.  He’s shown me things that have been extremely eye opening and have really brought me closer to Him and to others. 

I had the opportunity to lead worship on Sunday at Oakbrook Church where we are in an awesome community of Christ-followers and I led “guitar-free” for the first time in a long time.  I had so many people comment that I seemed to really be connected with the Spirit and that they had been drawn so much more deeply into the worship time than normal.  Some commented that maybe it was because I didn’t have my guitar and was more free to move about, but I believe that God was and is doing something inside of me that is hopefully even palpable to those around me.  There’s been some things that I haven’t liked seeing in myself over the last several days as God does His work, but as I listen to His voice in the mornings, I know I’m being made new and slowly being made more like the one I claim to shadow. 

Sometimes it’s amazing what we overlook, right?  I mean, it took me several hours of walking around in the gorgeous sunlight and mild temperature this afternoon to acknowledge that God had made this beautiful day…really?  Several hours?  And that was after I had spent time in Psalm 65 that had a line that immediately impacted me.  Verse 4 says,

       we will be satisfied with the goodness of your house, of your holy temple

and when I read it this morning I was really focused on what I was thankful to God for and satisfied with in Him.  Charles Spurgeon wrote

   what can be wanting in the house of him who made everything, who is the master of everything, who will be all unto all, in whom is an inexhaustible treasure of good

I was meditating on what it meant to have a good God, to have His righteousness and how His mercy and Grace was overwhelming.  I was even thinking about how God had made coffee and how much I was enjoying it in that moment and I was going on and on.  And then, I just kind of lost that complete train of thought as the rest of my day got going.  I just ran right past it.

I want to be the kind of Christ-follower that is always deeply satisfied with who God is, what He has done and what he is doing in the world.  I want to marvel at how His goodness manifests itself everyday and be keenly aware of His presence in every moment.  I love the reminders of the psalmist and how even someone else writing their worship song can impact the worship of someone thousands of years later.  Thank you, David.